I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
