Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I did not marry a roomba.
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