I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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