I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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