So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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