just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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