my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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