For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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