I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
