I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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