HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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