So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
