she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
