im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
