he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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