frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
