My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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