The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
