We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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