I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
