just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
