There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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