the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
