i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
