please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm at about main and main street
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
