the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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