"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
