i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
