everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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