so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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