You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
