I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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