Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
