His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
