She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
