Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
