Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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