My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
