I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
