guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
