The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
