And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
