So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
