I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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