not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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