I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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