i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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