Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
