You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
