i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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