You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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