You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
