Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
