broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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