i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
